I’m writing a longer post and went on this tangent regarding “consistency” in parenting and maintaining standards in general:
There is a belief that “a law must be known to be a law” and from this dogma come various corollaries, namely and especially, “the law must be consistently applied.” Unfortunately, an obsession with consistency leads to insolence in children and students, to lawlessness in adults. The authority (parent, teacher, or prince) is persuaded they cannot enforce a rule if they have not enforced it consistently and from the beginning.
I have seen authorities quail at the thought of “surprising” a subject with chastisement or even a simple “no.” Children are ruined all too often through this good intention.
Apparently you cannot expect children to know certain things. Well okay, but it gets taken too far. Years ago when I was teaching in ------ -------, a student blatantly copy-pasted from a website and an administrator forestalled any disciplinary action because “maybe he didn’t know what plagiarism was, did you make it clear?” This was a college student! If you cannot expect some things from teenagers, or even children, then they don’t deserve even the most limited amount of freedom. If someone doesn’t know they shouldn’t pass off someone else’s work as their own, they should be stripped of voting rights.
There are also things that children should know. At a very young age, the child knows when he is crossing your will or causing you pain. Sure, he might not know you have any self-respect, but you need to teach him that you do in ways that don’t simultaneously break his own.
We are told discipline must take place from the beginning and that we are guilty if it wavers. However, sometimes “wavering” makes sense depending on the circumstances, and just because the parent or teacher wavers now and again does not mean he should give up the standard he is trying to uphold. Sometimes I do not want to enforce a standard—there are infinite reasons, some strictly personal even; that doesn’t mean the standard should be dropped.
Wise laws appear arbitrary to the very unwise. The attempt to forestall the possibility of arbitrary rule, to abolish the evil of arbitrary rule, is a low-class desire. The attempt to do so eventually starts making things worse. As I just pointed out, it makes the authority doubt itself and less likely to enforce simple and salutary rules. Also, there are some things that, once said, ruin the commonwealth. That is, by laying down explicit rules you betray a low expectation.
Imagine a parent, un-prompted but out of a sick desire to “be consistent from the beginning” telling his children when they are in preschool-kindergarten age, “you are not allowed to murder each other” and other similarly heinous things. Such commands must of course be complimented by extensive explanations if we are to say the little ones really “know” what is expected.— If your child cannot extrapolate “don’t murder brother” from the more mundane prohibitions then what good is he.
It's not only a matter for children, but for men as well. We often hold our breath hoping that the right thing will be done until the last moment when we realize that, no, the person we hoped was better is in need of clear directions or prohibitions. Sometimes it’s hard to believe how brazen people can be. They have no idea others have any self-respect.
Once all expectations and prohibitions are made explicit, the Standard is lowered. Unjust and baseless comparisons are made, where useless men who are “strictly speaking law abiding” call themselves the equals of men who uphold much higher and unarticulated standards. Again: once the law begins consistently lowering its expectations, any citizen who isn’t a slave or in prison starts claiming the privileges of those responsible for the genuine maintenance and glory of the state.
“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day.” – Emerson, Self-Reliance